Does a person with ADD ever grow up?
One misconception about ADD is that it only affects children. Research and medical opinion now agree, however, that ADD can and often does continue into adulthood. But the idea of being an adult with ADD is seen by many as ludicrous. Not just because ADD has been traditionally seen as a childhood condition, but also because ADD is so incompatible with what we think of as adult behavior. An adult with ADD is seen as being child-like: irresponsible, impulsive, easily distracted or bored, unable to stick with one thing until it's accomplished. She often wonders if she is ever going to become a responsible, steady and mature adult. "Will I ever grow up?" she asks herself.
If being grown up means being boring and unimaginative, enslaved to one's job and settled in a routine, then the answer is, "No, probably not." But if it means broadening one's perspectives, being willing to take risks and daring to dream, the answer is, "Yes." The person with ADD who has not been made to feel guilty about her "immature" behavior can be a person of great joy. The ADD person might seem flighty or irresponsible, but can also be seen as always curious, willing to learn new things and free of inhibitions. If it isn't beaten out of her (literally or figuratively), her "child-like" qualities can add much to the human experience.
Jesus advised us to be like little children. He didn't mean that we should be irresponsible. He meant that we should be open to God's mercy and bountiful goodness. That we should be open to life. We are not to be encumbered by society's rules and restrictions, but live our lives in simple faith. ADD women would be well-served if they are able to accept themselves the way that they are. That doesn't mean that they don't need to find mechanisms to help them cope with their lives. They still have to be at work on time and feed their children every day. But if they can come to understand the great blessing that ADD can be, they will be free of self-judgment and low self-esteem.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Distracted
It's been a year and a half since I started this blog and I've written one post. To say I've been distracted is an understatement. At least I've been consistent.
There are a couple of reasons why I've dropped the ball here. One is that I am a classic example of distractibility. My brain tries to take in everything at once and ends up bouncing from one thing to another. I think I want to start a blog about ADD Women, but then I think of four other topics I'd like to cover in a blog and I start them only to be distracted by something else. One of the theories is that the ADD brain needs stimulation so much, it will create its own if it doesn't have enough to keep it going. (The good news is that the person with ADD can be a great multi-tasker. Note the words "can be." This is true only if the ADDer has learned how to make the most of this character trait. More about that in future blog entries.)
The second reason why I didn't keep up with this blog is that I don't have enough self-confidence. I'm convinced that I don't have anything interesting or important to add to the discussion about women with ADD. Or that I don't have the talent to write about it in a clear and entertaining way. (One thing an ADDer abhors is boredom.) What does that have to do with ADD? Nothing directly. It's just that people with ADD often suffer self-esteem problems because they've been berated all their lives for being the way that they are. "Pay attention! Sit still! What's the matter with you?"
There is no magic wand that makes it easy to live with ADD (or to understand someone who has it). There are medications that help, but I'm convinced that the real hope comes from learning 1) to accept yourself the way you are, and 2) to work around and with your "condition" to find alternate ways of coping. For example, if you know that you're easily bored, mix up your day's activities. Think in terms of finishing a job step by step instead of all at one time. Find creative ways to make your tasks less boring.
One important thing to remember is that there is no one right way to cope with ADD, because we all experience it differently. What distracts or bores you is different than that which distracts or bores me. Because we have different interests, we won't choose the same things to liven up our lives. (Some people are thrilled by stamp collecting, for instance, while another person is into extreme sports.) So, the bottom line is: the better you know yourself, the more easily you'll be able to find ways that work for you.
There are a couple of reasons why I've dropped the ball here. One is that I am a classic example of distractibility. My brain tries to take in everything at once and ends up bouncing from one thing to another. I think I want to start a blog about ADD Women, but then I think of four other topics I'd like to cover in a blog and I start them only to be distracted by something else. One of the theories is that the ADD brain needs stimulation so much, it will create its own if it doesn't have enough to keep it going. (The good news is that the person with ADD can be a great multi-tasker. Note the words "can be." This is true only if the ADDer has learned how to make the most of this character trait. More about that in future blog entries.)
The second reason why I didn't keep up with this blog is that I don't have enough self-confidence. I'm convinced that I don't have anything interesting or important to add to the discussion about women with ADD. Or that I don't have the talent to write about it in a clear and entertaining way. (One thing an ADDer abhors is boredom.) What does that have to do with ADD? Nothing directly. It's just that people with ADD often suffer self-esteem problems because they've been berated all their lives for being the way that they are. "Pay attention! Sit still! What's the matter with you?"
There is no magic wand that makes it easy to live with ADD (or to understand someone who has it). There are medications that help, but I'm convinced that the real hope comes from learning 1) to accept yourself the way you are, and 2) to work around and with your "condition" to find alternate ways of coping. For example, if you know that you're easily bored, mix up your day's activities. Think in terms of finishing a job step by step instead of all at one time. Find creative ways to make your tasks less boring.
One important thing to remember is that there is no one right way to cope with ADD, because we all experience it differently. What distracts or bores you is different than that which distracts or bores me. Because we have different interests, we won't choose the same things to liven up our lives. (Some people are thrilled by stamp collecting, for instance, while another person is into extreme sports.) So, the bottom line is: the better you know yourself, the more easily you'll be able to find ways that work for you.
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